Climbing the rock

The Aborigionals have used Uluru as a place for worship and a centre for teaching their religion for around 40,000 years. Thats 20 times the amount of time since Jesus was doing magic tricks. The Aborigionals' culture is based entirely on having respect for the land, talking of a time known as 'the dreaming' when the ancestral beings created the land. This respect for the land is taught to the kids quite simply because without respect for the land out here youll soon be dead. The outback is so dry, harsh, parched, scorched, barren and sterile. The Aborigional people ask tourists not to climb the rock, the reason for this is because its dangerous, people have died climbing it. When people die on their land it upsets them. So when an Aussie asks you if you climbed it and you say no, the aborigionals dont want you to, their reply is a blanket response. 'Bloody Abbos, think they own all the land..' etc. Believe me ive had this conversation many times.
The problem with most white Australians is that they have such a lack of history and culture, they find it difficult to respect others'. I dont hold this against them. I suggested to one lady from Melbourne that if an aborigional were to come to my home town in England and start climbing the church to get a better view of the town, endangering themselves, theyd get locked up. To me it seems a reasonable request not to climb. I havent written a poem since I was at school, until that evening when I was moved by what id seen, so ill put in on this blog. Ive called it 'Ab-original'.

Four thousand decades, now their culture fades,
Prospectors and pioneers came to trample and raid,
To their land and make them slaves, for the wealth they all crave.
Now its white man's rules, put their kids into schools,
Beating the children every day, doing it the 'Christian way',
Taking the land and killing them off, seperating the clans.
Change their language, ignore what to them is so obviously sacred,
Take their kids from their parents and presume theyre all ignorant,
Because theyre darker than us how can we trust?
Its to re-educate in the ways of Christianity,
after all, Its ALL based on family.
A generation totally lost and at the end of the day, to what real cost?
Howard says that hes sorry,
hes with Tony and George, filling bags up with bodies.
White man knows that money is power,
likes to drive his fast car and work in a tower.
Old whitey believes that moneys the answer but,
its too new to these people and the grog is the cancer.
They want to sell them homes, loans, phones
to make them their clones.
You can be as lucky as us, dispose of your culture,
blow away all the dust.
If an Aborigional came to my town and climbed on the church,
theyed lock him up then probably worse.
So Aussies, embrace the culture, dont ignore whats sacred,
Live together with respect and ignore the haters.
So when tourists arrive at Uluru in flocks,
For Jesus Christ's sake, dont climb on the rock.

Uluru

Uluru didnt disappoint. Ayres Rock as the Aussies call it is awesome. It gets close to 1 million visitors every year. But I cant help thinking that the people who fly into Alice Springs and do the day trip to see it, then fly out again somehow miss out on something. Its the journey there that makes it. The anticipation of seeing this awesome monolith seemingly rise out of nowhere and dominate the skyline with ferocity. Its somehow beautiful too. Its a full 9.6km to walk around the rock and something I would recommend doing to anyone who visits. The pulling power the rock creates is mainly from its obvious sheer size but also the changing shades of umbers and reds it exhudes at either sunset or, on the other side of the rock, at sunrise.

Snakes

Walking into the bush, after having read 'Down Under' by Bill Bryson, you feel surprised that you are still alive. Yes, sure there are a lot of animals in Australia that can kill you with one bite or sting but the chances of stepping on a deadly snake are extremely slim indeed. As we're piling along the road at about 95k's an hour in twilight I slammed on the anchors and Alex says yes, I saw it too. I reversed with care and look out the window to see what must be the stoutest looking snake I can imagine. It was still and Alex got out to approach it. I told him to get away, fearing that if he were to get bitten we were really, really far from any kind of help. 'Be careful', I shouted. Watching now ever more closely in my wing mirror Alex announces that Its ok as hes seen Steve Irwin do it. He lurched forward and grabbed it near the head. I screamed (like a girl) for him to put it down as he appeared to struggle to tame the brute. Bastard. He laughed as he threw it down. I honestly thought he'd broken its neck. It was then I realised that it wasnt a snake at all but a strip of exploded tyre. Bloody Germans, didnt think they had a sense of humour.

The Outback

The road across the North Atherton Tablelands was long, hot and fairly flat. Of course thats what we expected but it was so much greener than we thought, the landscape offers such a different view than the expected flat red desert of outback Australia. The other surprising thing was the diversity of wildlife on view, you only appreciate this when you stop for a break and wander around, listening, watching. The German thought I was joking when I insisted we stop for a cup of tea and slice of cake. He agreed once devoured it was both delicious and energy building.

Cape Tribulation/penalty shootout.

Setting up on a campsite in Cape Tribulation we found ourselves seperated from the beautiful beach by a strip of rainforest. That evening we played table tennis and pool. The score England1-1Germany. We decided we would settle the score with a penalty shoot-out once we got into the bush. I'm happy to say that England won on a disputed penalty (he said it went over but theres no way, it was the same height as his hand).

The Daintree Rainforest

A German guy approaches me and says that he's heard in driving to Darwin in the morning. I asked him if he had any dirty habits I should know about, he said 'yes, I have lots of dirty habits but none that you should know about'. So we left for Darwin but I was going the long way. First stop the Daintree, then West to Uluru and Alice Springs, then right up the middle to Darwin. Having wondered previously whether I had underestimated the distances of travel involved, Alexander the German ran out of time and never made it all the way to Darwin but we had a really good trip nevertheless. The Daintree is (so the scientists reckon) the oldest rainforest in the world. There are more plant species in one Hectare than in the whole of Europe. Our timing was lucky as we arrived at the river, a tin boat was about to launch a bunch of tourists to check out some crocodiles, naturally we jumped aboard.

Diving

The reason my trip around Australia started in Cairns is because I wanted to dive on the Barrier Reef without any time limits or budget issues surrounding me. I lived on a boat for 4 days, did loads of diving and snorkelling. This was to prove the beginning of an obsession to dive, a very rewarding and expensive hobby I dont think I could ever tire from.

Me-Julie

Cairns is a really good place to buy a camper van. The reason for this of course is that so many travellers arrive in Sydney and drive up the coast with Cairns as a final destination. I answered an ad and a small, suspicious looking, dry, shady, Frenchman arrived to try and flog me a van. To be honest as soon as I saw it I wanted it. It had character, it was a Toyota, it was Red, it had a roo bar, a mattress, 8 seats, camping equipment. I haggled and we struck a deal. The plate read ULY 370. So I named her Julie or 'Me-Julie'. This van was to become my transport and house for the next 10 months until I sold her on to a fellow backpacker. I wondered how many times this bus had been around Australia. 22 years old but now, for the time being at least it was mine and I was excited about going on the road. Its so liberating to just say one day, 'hey, im moving on tomorrow'. Just bung all the stuff in the back, grab some like minded travel partners, hit the road and head for the next town.

The Orthopaedic Shoe

As I saw it I had 3 options of how to get out of my current situation (at a bar with a potential 'loose cannon' who had decided I was his best friend). I could wait for him to go to the toilet and do a runner (risky in-case I saw him again and had to explain), I could make my excuses and leave (difficult given the constant re-assurances he wanted that I was 'up for drinking'). Or I could finish his night off with an Orthopaedic shoe.

An Orthopaedic Shoe is a dangerous cocktail. It's just J&B Rare and Cointreau but after a few beers i'ts unlikely you'll remember much after one. I ordered a 'pair' for Jay. I gave him 20 minutes. He lasted 15.
Assurances of 'I can drink anything Dave I am an Australian' fell on deaf ears as I watched him neck the pair of shoes. Soon he started dropping his phone, then his tobacco, then his phone again, then his tobacco. The swaying on the stool became more exaggerrated and I knew he was in no state to accompany me into town.

As soon as the drinks were drunk the stories started. He was missing the boat. There were too many people around. He had been locked up for manslaughter, killed a bouncer outside a nightclub by chopping him in the throat. He gave me a few examples of how to kill someone and one example of a particuarly painful pressure point somewhere around my neck had me agreeing and believing his stories of being an expert in martial arts. Of course this was short lived, after many apologies with letting me down Jay explained how 'Sorry mate, I think I'd just better go to bed now Dave, Ive had enough'. I assured him it was ok. I made arrangements to meet the Scottish girl the following evening and promptly left to hunt out the next bar before closing time.

Jay the fisherman

Jay was a bit drunk. It was his 1st day on 'the dry' as he called it after an extended period of 4 months work on a fishing boat. He told me about his job, his house, his failed marriage, his love of fishing, his Hi-Fi. Jay claimed to be a hunter rather than a fisherman as it was only one type of fish that he caught. It was now 9p.m. and both Jay and myself were interested in more beer, he invited me to another pub to meet his friends. Some of them I cant remember but there was a really old aborigional lady who insisted I called her grandma. She really smelt bad and I found her very hard to understand so I was relieved when Jay suggested we moved on. Our destination was to be his hostel so he could change his thongs (flip-flops). I chatted to the delightful Scottish barmaid in the bar at the hostel and we found it a pleasent enough place to have a few more beers. I suggested we play pool. Jay announced that he was one of the best pool players in the world. Having spent the last 4 months on a boat I didnt fancy his chances. It was now that it became apparant to me just how drunk he was. After an embarassing game watching Jay try to find the cue ball with one eye closed we headed back to the bar. He was getting mouthy now and somehow upset a girl at the bar. It was now that I decided that if I went out to a backpackers in town with this bloke I could land in trouble.

Cairns-The locals

After a rewarding walk around the botanical gardens in Cairns (I recommend it as a way to spend 2 hours or so) I got a taxi back to my hostel. I asked the driver where the real locals hang out, where I would go and drink if I lived in Cairns. He told me two places, one called The Crown, the other I've forgotten. The Crown I was to discover was a day pub, this means it shuts at 9p.m. I ordered a beer and sat at on a plastic patio chair at a metal table as the resident 'Sheila' slung a plate of chicken and chips in front of me. It was delicious. Entertainment as I ate took the form of a fist-fight between a bloke with a broken leg (he was holding the other bloke back with one of his crutches) and an older aborigional guy. Once I'd finished I perched myself at the bar to chat to the 'Sheila'. This was the 1st real Aussie girl I had met, good-looking but you know if she wanted she could pin you down and you would'nt be able to move an inch. While sat here I got chatting to a local bloke called Jay.

Johno's Bar

Johno's Blues Band are the resident band of this entertaining venue in Cairns. Johno himself is the star of the show and his upside-down rendition of his favourite tune is something to savour. Johno's drummer though is the main vein of the band and his particular brand of humour (during Johno's world-famous gong show) was to be my 1st introduction to the Aussie style of politically incorrect humour and culture-bashing that I love them for. The gong show is basically a talent contest, as two Japanese fellas got up to sing and play the guitar a large group of small Japanese girls and boys followed and surrounded the foot of the stage. With this the drummer announced 'Folks, theres about to be a lot of flash photography, will anyone with epilepsy please leave the building'. The japanese boys went down so well they played twice and predictably won the crowd over and won the competetion. Johno's drummer asks the crowd 'My god you lot have got short memories..when was it we dropped that thing on them...?' The lady on my table from Adelaide asked me to explain what he was referring to...I explained that references to jokes about Hiroshima were maybe taking things a little too far. What you MUST do though is go to see the cane-toad racing (Tuesdays I think), run by a bloke called 'Captain Sarcastic'. Hes MUCH worse than the drummer.